P doc says I need CBT and DBT (which I would get in IOP) because those are the only therapies that are proven to work with depression. I had to stop myself from laughing at the guy because I'm in school to become a therapist, and I know that while CBT has a high success rate, no one therapy is for everyone, and CBT is not the only thing that works.
P doc also said because I don't have a good support system, which is funny because he never asked me about my support system, just knows that my abusive family is not in my life (which is a good thing) and that my girlfriend lives far away. I have a pretty solid support system of friends (family of choice) who I talk to daily. They know what's going on with me, and have been checking on me regularly since the whole Prozac suicidal episode. I told people after it happened because I was terrified and wanted a plan in case it happened again. I really don't want to have to call some strangers at a suicide hotline, and I'm really scared of hospitalization.
I suspect the P-doc was evaluating if I needed to go in-patient when he referred me to the IOP program. I refused in-patient and told him I wasn't going to kill myself, despite the thoughts, that I wanted help. So he really didn't have any grounds to admit me. But he said he was concerned because I had a past suicide attempt when I was 13, which was over 20 years ago. I get his concern, but I'm not chronically suicidal. Granted, I was pretty friggin depressed before the Prozac, but the suicidal thoughts really felt like they were triggered by the med and have subsided since I have been off it.
My T Doc knows me well, knows that I have tried to see other T docs in the past and have always come back to her in worse shape. She says I don't do so well with "standard treatment." She's pretty unique in that she does Existential Psychodynamic therapy, and what she does works for me. I got sober and out of an abusive relationship and have basically turned my life around in the 7 years since I have been seeing her. And I trust her, which is pretty huge for someone who survived the abuse I lived through.
I was doing really well until I got so sick 18 months ago. The longer I have been sick, the more my depression has spiraled down. I think one of the other things that led to my depression being so bad was that I was trying to see a different T doc for several months (insurance reasons), it wasn't working and that T-doc suggested I go elsewhere. That was right before I started the prozac and went back to my old T-doc.
I have been a lot better since I've been off the prozac and seeing my T-doc regularly, even before starting the abilify, I wasn't having any more suicidal thoughts, and my T-doc says I'm not in crisis anymore. I'm doing a whole lot better on the Abilify and have been able to do things I haven't done in 6 months.
So, I get the concern that my T-doc might be possessive, but she's right, that other therapies have failed me, that I always leave or get fired by other T-docs. I have tried individual and group therapy in the past, and nothing has been helpful besides my current T-doc. So, I'm pretty hesitant to spend the time and money to try one more thing, even though I really want to get better. I have pretty limited student insurance, and I don't want to use up all my mental health benefits now, when I need them to last me until next August.
The person who was supposed to evaluate me for the IOP program at the hospital my p-doc works at basically wasted my time telling me I needed to take a leave of absence from school, and that my professors would have to comply (my understanding from the school is that a leave of absence means forfeiting the semester). I had a class one day a week that conflicted with the program, and she said I couldn't miss IOP for it. Then she just kept saying it wasn't her job to sell the program to me. She couldn't tell me what the cost to me would be or if there was even financial aide to help with my costs. And the info she had on my insurance was wrong. So, it was a really bad fit.
I don't know much about the other program I am looking in to, except that it works with my school schedule (3 days a week 8-12) and there's financial aide to cover what my insurance doesn't pay. But I will ask more questions if I end up calling back, which I'm thinking is unlikely at this point. I really don't want to do a program.
Edited by lavender, 30 October 2011 - 09:12 PM.
DX: Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Alcoholism-sober for 9 years
Other Medical Conditions: Hypothyroid, Graves Disease, Fibromyalgia, Sleep Apnea, Migraines, Heart Palpitations
Current Meds: Abilify 7.5 mg, Effexor 225 mg, Neurontin 1500 mg,
Provigil 200 mg, Armour Thyroid 150 mg, Metoprolol 25 mg am&pm
Supplements: Calcium, Magnesium, Vitamin B Complex, Vitamin D, Iron, Fish Oil
Failed Meds: Prozac, Lexapro, Zoloft, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Wellbutrin